As I reflect over my 33rd year. I can surely say I’ve seen God’s hand move in the most peculiar form possible. If you can recall 33 was my master year. It’s the number that signifies, God keeping His promises to you. I experienced so many Wowwwww God moments and a few Whoaaaaaaaaaa…..OMG! Many tears usher me into 34.
The number 34 means identification. Identification simply means, “evidence proving that you are who you say you are; evidence establishing that you are among the group of people already known to the system; recognition by the system leads to acceptance” I can say confidently that I have been tested and weighed honey. There were many moments this year where turning my back on God; and everything he stands for would have been easy.
From trusting a prophecy, to opening up to love, that love choice leaving God’s will, an emergency surgery that I am still recovering from mentally, emotionally and physically, and finally facing my own thoughts against the word of God. Listen…my identity has been established! Situation after situation, over the past year speaks volumes of who my God is and how I will not conform to this world and it’s “traditions.”
Tears formed in my eyes while researching the meaning of 34. There were several cases where my character was assassinated to the point that I questioned who God called me to be. Recently, I had a powerful encounter with God that silenced not only my enemies but also the negative voices that had been taunting me. The mirror he placed before me required full authenticity and transparency. I had to tell him where it truly hurts.
If you know me personally, you should already know that Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts is one of my favorite inspirational speakers. I can’t even begin to share with you how many times her sermons have provided strength and wisdom in the midst of some sticky situations. Her testimony alone encourages me to be okay with every flaw that I have and acknowledge the mistakes made from my ratchet pass.
Often, I would cry silently in my bedroom to God. I would confess that I don’t have the connections like her. My last name is not known throughout the world. My father didn’t provide a platform for me to step onto and I am not positioned to influence anyone. I have exceedingly and abundantly dreams with no sense of direction. I was even mad at God for showing me in a dream my outcome but no instructions on how to get there. The fear of not knowing or understanding is discouraging.
I can feel it in my belly that I am to produce greatness, but how when I have no resources to do so? I don’t want to be a failure in God’s eyes. As, I let what I never revealed to a living soul overflow in prayer. I could feel my identity to begin to shrink. Everything God once told me didn’t fit in my right now. Each time I try I get knocked back down. Whenever I place my trust in something or someone I am instantly betrayed. These gifts he gave me sets me apart. Way apart if I can be frank. Walking around misunderstood is such an unbearable feeling.
I am mocked for what I see. People have even made it a goal to interfere or even worse block what has been revealed to me. Throughout this entire year I’ve begged God to take my gifts. They are tormenting me. I don’t want to see! Being “normal” seems so easy. Now, I have been rebuked over the years. But being reprimanded by God is a whole different level. You get quite and low. He does it in the most loving way. Let me just say this, God ended that conversation with, “I SAID WHAT I SAID AND YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE!”
God blessed me with the mantle of a Prophet and the gift of sight. I can’t help what I see. My pillow is the doorway to God’s revelations for those connected to me and myself. Many times I have seen my dreams come to pass and I would just sit in awe. These gifts have caused people to use me as a spiritual conduit or worse grow jealous of me. If I could only explain that what is shown to me isn’t orchestrated by me. I felt Job when he said, “Then you frighten me with dreams and terrify me through visions” (Job 7:14).
I’ve learned over the years how to suppress my identity out of fear of not being accepted. LET. ME. TELL. YOU! When I began to research the meaning of the number 34. It was mind blowing! All confirmation for what is soon to come. His stamp of approval will set me apart and I might as well get use to it. My 34thyear will be pure evidence that I am what he says I am, I will be placed and established in the midst of those already thriving in this system, and I will not only be accepted by them but I will walk in my purpose the way he intended me to.
I refuse to perish with everything inside of me lying dormant. Solomon speaks in the 29thchapter of Proverbs, “Where there is no vision, the people will perish.” He allowed me to see things. I will be blessed in the land of the living! EVERYTHING that transpired during my 33rdyear went according to plan. God shook the table to remove those I was settling for. Right now, he has rearranged my love life, my circle of friends, career (new job who dis!), and now my identity. This Kingdom Kid will be like an arrow after being released.
This next chapter will be one for the books. I was being developed this past year. My training got real. God tested my heart and character. When I got to the point, where even if he doesn’t do it God is still good. Things began to unfold. Guys I look forward to sharing my 34th journey with you. Stay tuned because eyes have not seen, ears have not heard! Like always I am praying for you.
Love Always,
LaToya Déshawn
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