Anxiety seems to be my biggest obstacle nowadays. I often find myself clutching my chest in order to re-teach myself to take deep breaths in the midst of an anxiety attack. They are no longer far and between like before. It’s quite and lonely suffering through anxiety. You look normal on the outside while screaming within. They pile up one by one and then suddenly they fall like dominoes at the most opportune time. I gather myself the best I can. The fear grasp me like a thief in the night and before I know it I’m at anxieties mercy.
While, panting I’m scrambling in my brain to focus on things above. I know to look to the hills whence cometh my help. I’m fighting for air and to assure myself that these are just bottled up emotions of fear surfacing. Theses emotions aren’t real and/or are temporary. I know that if I could remind myself of who I am and who I am becoming. This engulfing feeling of being overwhelmed will cease. I begin to quietly chant “When the enemy comes in like a flood. The Lord will raise up a standard against him!” The aftermath peacefully embraces me. The mini storm in over. I no longer have to pretend again.
Abba father I need these attacks to not just be far and between but more like gone. The older I am becoming the harder and longer these attack seem. From the fear of marriage and child birth, the perfect job, the dance ministry, my family issues, my love life, the way I look, the way others perceive me, the support and non support of friends and family. The list can go on and on. It all weighs so heavy on me. I don’t want to fail anyone especially not you God. I fear moving left when you said “right.” I fear missing you all together. I try to stand on your word. In Psalm 55:22 David says, “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” I’m casting my cares right now Lord! I can’t walk around with these burdens. I wasn’t meant to carry them. I’m just not strong enough to bear all of these emotions in this natural shell. I can’t walk in my purpose surrounded by fear.
I need your strength. I needed it yesterday, I need it today and I will need it tomorrow. You said, “Ask and it shall be given until me.” I am asking for the peace only you can grant. The reassurance that only you can provide. Majority of the things I am freaking out about is completely out of my control. Daddy God, I lay every situation at your feet. I will no longer allow anxiety to rule me. You are bigger than this anxiety. I no longer will walk around in fear and insecurity. I will no longer think the latter than the greater. I will no longer be consumed about what others feel and think about me. I will no longer concern myself about matters that you have already given promises to. You are not a man that you should lie nor the son of man that you shall repent.
There is no need for me to give way to fear and anxiety. I have nothing to fear when the battle is not mine it’s yours. God you have showed up faithfully in my life. Countless of times you made sure my eyes have seen that the Lord is good. I now walk in your grace. Anxiety and fear has no place here from this day forward.