Wild Thoughts

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Webster defines the word wild in many ways. The definition that stuck out the most to me was: indicating distraction. These wild thoughts that I have been experiencing are just that a……. distraction. Allow me to elaborate please because I can hear your judgy minds as you draw your assumptions. I deem these thoughts wild only because I find myself doubting the obvious or better yet the promise.

 

I tend to wrestle with the fact that God is way to busy to be concerned about my “little” issues. These issues are my love life and friendship. Maybe when I pray about these things He’s like, “My daughter I have really big things occurring at the moment. Far greater things than your love life and friendships.” (Please say that in Mufasa’s voice because if God ever speaks audibly to me. I’ve envisioned it in that exact voice).

 

Truth is that I follow God, but I don’t trust Him to handle these affairs……..so I meddle. If that isn’t an oxymoron I don’t know what is. Needless to say, they are my exact thoughts and actions. I trust God with the big stuff. You know like my health, career and the whereabouts and protection of family members and myself. But when it comes to my love life and friendships I think God and me should have a conversation or two.

 

For some off the wall reason like Michael Jackson, I assume these concerns aren’t being orchestrated in the background of the melody called ‘Symphony of LaToya’. Y’all already know I’m extra. Of coarse when God thinks of me a beautiful symphony is playing (let me have this). As I continue, with all the troubles in the world. I surely won’t burden God with something like my friendships and love life.

 

However, my boy David says in Psalm 138:8, “The Lord will perfect that which concerns me.” My so-called minuscule affairs concern God just as much as they concern me. I had to write this on my dry eraser board for me to get this through my thick skull. Stop touching things that God is working on. Oh no, I always have to learn the hard way.

 

I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned I was one of those kids that was told to not touch the stove when its hot. Yeah, I’m the kid that deliberately disobeyed my parents and touched the harmful hot stove. I said this to say. I really have listening issues when it comes to what I want to do. Thankfully over the decades from the stove issue, I have learned to listen and trust those with wisdom. Still, inwardly I want to just touch the issue for a moment. I just want to help.

 

“Helping” God has put me in some iffy situations. That could have all been avoided had I just been still and let God handle it. Like always I want a little credit for the work and instead of it happening, it’s stalled until I am once again ready to exit the potter’s wheel. Clearly, God has some more shaping to do on me. I am a piece of work; I’m just the first to honestly admit it. I wouldn’t need God if I didn’t have concerns. My weakness depends on His strength alone.

 

I urge you to press into His strength. Push past your expectations and trust and lean on Him even if you don’t understand. The chaos will be so worth it. The pain won’t be in vain and the brief moments of His silence will reveal to you, your true character.

 

Love Always,

 

LaToya Déshawn

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