There’s something special about that raspy and soulful voice of the late Amy Winehouse. One of my favorites is her genius twist on the classic ‘Valerie’ the lyrics are so soothing. She sings so effortlessly, “And sometimes I go out by myself and I look across the water.” The thought of being by myself as the sound and motion of the waves STILLS me; is beyond peaceful.
Have you ever felt like everything and everyone was passing you by in warp speed, while you were literally standing still? No, that’s just me? Well I guess I’ll just tell the truth and shame the devil. No point of “pretending” like I don’t feel stuck even when I am in the midst of a huge breakthrough. When you’re in it, you can’t see the way out.
Read this slowly and correctly……I am beyond grateful for how far I’ve come; but I still feel like I should be further than I am. So before you begin to say here she go! By all means allow me to explain please.
See the rock is my plans and the still place is God’s. It’s funny how I planned my life out and I can only tell you one thing actually occurred the exact way I envisioned it. My nail color. Seriously, when I think I know exactly where this journey is going. God be like hold my robe. I’m convinced Him and Jesus are up there on the throne laughing at how I picture this all going.
Don’t get me wrong I am the apple of His eye; but He loves me way too much for me to take full control over my life and screw it up. Back to people going warp speed and me being still. It “appears” that everyone is accomplishing it all baby! And there goes Toya still waiting on God.
Waiting on God is a good place to be. BUT! There’s always a but; it’s also a hard place to be as well. I won’t go into the gist of my desires, hopes and dreams. Can’t be telling y’all everything about me geeshh.
You know that scripture in Proverbs? That one when Solomon speaks on hope deferred? Proverbs 13:12, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life. This verse gets me every time.
The beginning of the verse (Hope deferred makes the heart sick) makes me sigh every time I read it or it’s said to me. There has been so many prayers of hope that just never got answered or seem to be on the agenda to get answered. After a while, it can truly make your heart sick. It can become that sunken place.
Then there’s the latter part of that verse (But a desire fulfilled is a tree of life) that part right there; allows for me to become still. I can refocus, refill and align myself with things above. My desires can only be fulfilled when they are submitted under God’s plans over my life.
That right there ladies and gentlemen is how you adjust to being in between a rock and a still place. You have to refocus, refill, and align yourself to begin moving in the right direction. So wipe your eyes. Yes you! There’s light at the end of the tunnel.
So I dare you to mustard up some faith. Put on your best running shoes and prepare to move out of your rock place. This journey is just not a process of rock lessons and mistakes. There are some rewards within the journey. But it’s the reward when you make it; that’s the tree of life.
Love Always,
LaToya Deshawn
