Do you remember the song by Britney Spears, ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’? The lyrics must have been a future prophecy for today’s millennial woman. Let’s jump in a Delorean and sing along shall we…….”My loneliness is killing me (and I).” Okay stop (I know you continued on in your head lol)! I will be the first to admit. These are my exact feelings. As a single, celibate, and born again Christian millennial woman in her 30’s. That one bar is the definition of the “waiting game.” I don’t mind being the first to admit it openly. I am certain that I am not the only one.
Who else is tired of hearing the usual? You know the already married and/or in healthy relationships giving you that advice that mocks your sense of spirituality and intelligence. They have quickly forgotten how their loneliness too, trail blazed their single days until this “God sent” appeared. Meanwhile back at the ranch, this loneliness feeling is at high alert. I find myself doubting the decision to be celibate at times (2 years and counting) or looking back on the might-have-been’s that rejected me due to this “executive” decision. Of course I come back to reality and realize that God’s way is the best way. It’s one thing to be single. There’s another to be lonely. Before, you judge me. I don’t have issues being alone with myself. I enjoy my me time honey. But there’s only so much me I can take.
But wait! Just in case you too are doubting this celibacy journey. Please remember it is better to feel lonely and be alone than attached to something temporary. The counterfeit can and will say all the right things. The moment he invites you to the bedroom with no covenant that is a RED LIGHT! The God sent will never stray you away from what the Bible says. Remember sis instant gratification comes with heavy consequences. They will we be either natural, spiritual or worse both. Learn God’s voice to discern between the soul tie and the soulmate. You’ll thank me…I mean God later.
Now, back to the scheduled program.The constant saying of, “Jesus is your now husband and you should be seeking and focusing on God, until your mate appears” or “Right now is the best time to be creating yourself and walking in your purpose” can be hurtful at times. They are insinuating I am not doing those things. This current ratchet loneliness feeling has nothing to do with me not being focused or acknowledging the presence of my savior in my life. Christianity is not just a religion for me it’s a lifestyle. My relationship with God surpasses the connection I desire with my future husband. I enjoy spending time with my Abba father. However, I crave for a physical touch and a conversation that goes beyond Air Jordan’s and Future’s, ‘Mask Off‘ hit.
Should I sprinkle the saying of staying busy, traveling, and falling in love with your single state? Said with a condescending smirk. The moment I hear these examples I quickly build a Jericho like wall around my feelings. Let’s get this straight. Loneliness is not an every day feeling. This temporary feeling is just what it is temporary. His grace is sufficient during this time matter of fact all the time.
Honestly, I am able to snap right out this trap from the enemy. But I am only human. Even the most spiritually mature wrestles with their faith at times. During, these moments its essential to not beat yourself up about your current mood.It’s okay to not be okay. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. What I do is, ride the wave out completely. I cast my cares. I bring back to remembrance on what God has said in His word and personally to me.
There’s a complete difference between the unconscious mockery from friends and loved ones and God’s everlasting word. His word has withstand the test of time. He is not a man that He shall lie, nor the son of man that He shall repent. I would like to think during this season, this very hot season that is…….I am in the middle of the Alpha and the Omega of my circumstances. Meaning, God has started something marvelous in me and around me. He has every intent to finish it. Placing my thoughts on this alone usually calms and soothes me immediately. Quite sure I may not withhold an Abraham like faith but this Toya faith is being built and tested honey. And so is yours sis.
My prayer is that you feel valued and desired rather you are single or not. God’s love has gotten us this far during this loneliness season. Just to think once your mate “appears” a new love will be cultivated. You know we serve a jealous God. Sooooo…… lets just love on Him a little bit harder during this season. Let’s thank Him for the next but praise Him in the right now. God has not forgotten us sis. Before we know it, we will be giving the same mockery advice. During this single season let us learn to be transparent with God and ourselves about these temporary emotions. Practice the art of not worrying about the how. That’s entirely His job.
I look forward to the praise reports and the testimonies. Oh! And invitations to the bridal shower and wedding because I am rooting for you sis!