If I can be quite transparent. Lately, there has been struggle and restlessness within my spirit concerning you. Clearly, I am not sure who “you” are but you’ve been in my spirit. So I was instructed by my Pastor that so happens to be my mother (yeah I’m lucky lol) to go into a spiritual warfare. Now, I must admit I have never done this before. I’ve heard about spiritual warfare my entire life. Never thought I would honestly have to use it or partake in it (foolish I know). I was handed a book by Cindy Trim: Rules of Engagement the Art of Strategic Prayer and Spiritual Warfare. I was instructed to pray these prayers for precisely ten days. Ten signifies the order of God.
I understood immediately that the resistance I had been experiencing in other aspects of my life was present in my non-existence love life. Every time I met a guy we would hit it off. Until true faith came on the table. Either they were controlling and/or manipulative, or worse had no real relationship with God. I could foresee what would happen if I went into covenant with them.
Each time a sense of disappointment would arise. Not that each man that I meet equates to a potential husband. But the fact that something was always wrong very quick in the game was discouraging. Especially, if the wrong had everything to do with God being my source and everything else (including them) a resource. There was no seek, desire, or chase for God within them. They lacked the ability to provide for me spiritually.
All of these recent let downs forced me to my knees. I was talking about my disappointment and anger with everyone else but Him. Once I acknowledged the source, a plan was being devised before I could say, “Amen.” He’s awesome like that you know? The fact that the prayers were already written and all I had to do was follow the instructions at hand. And align myself with God’s unfailing word. I felt invincible I must say.
Each night I would go to my secret place and begin to war for someone that doesn’t even know it. I went in with the mindset of things breaking forth and off of you but I was changed in exchanged for my evening sacrifice. Those last ten days did something to me that is hard to explain. A void was filled and a check mark was made. Being a wife means more than just natural abilities. By the fourth day it was pretty evident that this was training ground.
Not just any type of training ground either. I was in the field. Ordained as a prophetic dancer as a child. Worship has always been my greatest weapon. But this time, the warrior needed to come forth. As much as I love David. I had to place his anointing over my shoulders. It’s one thing to be known to your enemies as a worshiper but to step into the warrior armor is an entirely different story. These words bae shook something inside my soul.
Every night I was completely drained. I had no idea that spiritual warfare literally sucked the life out of you. To be frank this was a different type of intimacy I experienced with God and you. Yes….you…….this was a new type of love I had to endure to understand the dynamics of us. It’s pure love to intercede for someone you may not know and who is completely unaware.
I found so much peace in trusting God after my assignment. I walked in doubtful, discouraged, disappointed, impatient and most of all confused. Walked out strengthened, a new level of faith was established, trust was restored and the ability to say with much confidence, “And if He doesn’t…..He’s still good.” Right now I can hear that song from Chaka Khan ‘Through the Fire’ playing in my head. The lyrics are the epitome of how I felt when I completed my mission.
This is my final letter to you. Well publicly to you. Where ever you are, this stage of my life worrying if you actually exist or if you’re ever gonna show up is over. I’ll wait however long God see’s fit. Something only you will be able recognize formed in me over the past ten days. I sealed these prayers with a dance. A danced that literally spoke to what my tears and spirit could no longer convey. Every intricate move glorified our savior and told the tale of never letting go.
A meaningful dance hadn’t came forth since my close friend’s funeral. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve danced since then but not truly dance. I danced out of obedience to one part of my calling and the instructions from my Pastor. This dance was entirely different. Not to mention, I had not danced since May and my restlessness stemmed from it. The only problem was I couldn’t find a song. I listened high and low.
Then I reached out to social media and asked for assistance. People from far and near answered the call. Their songs were great but they just didn’t speak what was so loud inside. It took several days before the answer appeared. The song choice came from the wife of the friend that was taken too soon. The funeral that got the last of me, so I thought. She chose the perfect song: ‘Jacob’s Song’ by Briana Babineaux.
Each word caused a tear to release a different language unknown to man but known to God. “I won’t let go…..until you bless my soul. Until you change my name. I am no longer the same.” blasted through my earphones daily until it was showtime. Baby I danced as if the father himself was sitting in the front row. I even jumped off the pulpit did a spin and landed with a great boom attached, so you know its real lol. Once the last word was sang and the music faded out. My part of the deal was complete. I gave Him, his breath back in pure worship.
I come to you asking you to create in me and clean heart and renew the right spirit in me. Like Isaiah take the coal cleanse my lips here I am. A new wine skin and an empty vessel ready to render what belongs to you. I come boldly to the throne casting my cares that weighs heavily on my heart at your feet. Restore my strength. Because I have recognize that its not by my might, nor by my power, but by the spirit of the Lord. I lift up my future husband. I don’t know what he may be going through or rejoicing about at the moment. But I relinquish him unto you. What I thought I wanted has been replaced with what you know I need in this season and the next.
Right now, we decree and declare that the Spirit of the Lord is upon us, the Spirit of wisdom, understanding, divine counsel, supernatural might, knowledge, the utmost fear of Jehovah. And Father as I advance and as we advance and as we are divinely empowered and increase in skill and understanding. I decree and declare that we are moving syncopated to your correct timing and season. We are not out of timing, we are not out of our season. Father we prohibit the alteration and the changing of any time or laws concerning our life and ministry or the life of my family. We move synchronize, syncopated to the choreographic moves of God. We decree and declare that our times and seasons are in your hand Lord and they shall not be altered or adjusted by anyone or anything. We function under the anointing of the sons of Issachar,and give us the divine ability to accurately discern our times and seasons.This day we operate according to Gods divine timetable and calendar. Your agenda is our agenda. Father we are not our own. I have been bought with a price. We therefore submit ourselves to You and You alone. We decree and declare that the eyes of our spirit function with 20/20 vision for correct understanding and interpretation of divine movements. Our ears are in tune with the correct frequency of the Spirit and we have clear transmission. (Rules of Engagement passage).
In Jesus name we pray