Dear God,


Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

I am overtaken with anger. I cannot digest it. I cannot put out the raging fire. I feel like what you’ve allowed has eclipsed my faith. Your silence has deafened my ears. Your absence has shaken me to the core. Where are you? My family needs you, my friends need you…….I  NEED YOU! You promised to never leave nor forsake us and in the midst of all this pain that’s exactly how it feels. I have no where else to turn. There is no greater help than you. 

I am watching my family and friends be tested. They are up against things that are unbearable to face alone. Hit after hit we are trying to keep our heads above water only to go deeper in our despair. A broken vessels are the results to the current situations. I feel so helpless and hopeless at this moment. With all of these pieces scattered, how do you make me whole again?

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to those who are discouraged; he saves those who have lost all hope.  

Waiting…….waiting…….waiting…….and more waiting. We are all waiting on something that has been promised to us. I’ve watched family and friends surrender all that they have. We were created to worship something higher than ourselves and we choose you. Blow after blow I find myself in an never changing position of surrender. With my hands stretched out and a heart full of humility and pain I surrender it all to you. I’m casting more than my cares but the burdens of my peers.

 Isaiah 43:1 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. 

I’m watching those closest to me break under the pressure of waiting for you to save them, deliver them, redeem them, and make new of them. I have a front row seat to their motion picture of them being crushed by what this world is offering.  I feel everything and its hard to get by and by. It’s a gift and curse to feel everything they say. The good is the gift but the bad is the curse. If I’m not trying to conquer my own personal battles, I feel the weight of my counterparts. I become so emotionally overwhelmed that crawling up into a ball is the only solution. Everything bad is beginning to consume me. Spiraling down isn’t an option but it seems freeing. All the ground my faith has mounted now appearing blurry and shaken.

Psalm 46:5  God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.

The death of my two friends God has shaken me like no other. Until now I have been fortunate enough to not experience the loss of too many people that were dear to me. I know the lingo to give to others that will “help” them during their grieving stages; but when it comes to me I honestly don’t want to hear it. I have to constantly tell myself that you are my SOURCE and everything else is a resource. No matter how bad I am feeling your love and guidance is never changing. Most recently, I have come to find out that you actually love me. I mean really, really, really, love me (yeah, I know I’m late). I am the apple of your eye. What concerns me, concerns you. Your apple father, God, needs your comfort, love, guidance, truth, strength, and most of all faith to continue on this journey. As my friends, family and myself struggle through the day. Keep us in your safest righteous hand. In your word you say, “When we are weak that is when your strength is made perfect.” We need your perfect strength and love at this very moment. 



A Broken Vessel



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Relentlessly Pursue
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