I envy the woman that has unwavering faith in her purpose. That woman that knows exactly what she wants and who she is. You, know God, that specific woman that has mastered why you created her. The woman that has learned to rest in her contentment and walk the purposeful path you aligned for her. She walks the straight road with confidence and is constantly reassured that you have gone before her. The woman that plays the offense while allowing you to be her defense. Her path seems so perfect to me. She struts it so effortlessly, more than likely wearing the latest Christian Loubutins. I marvel at how happy she appears and how her struggles finally ceased all because she surrender it all to you. She has completely fell in love with the pure fact of eloquently knowing that she is the apple of your eye.
I think I am becoming her. No! You are creating her. That same path you steered me on, that seems so long ago. The one I ferociously fought against for years. So much is starting to make sense. Things are beginning to connect like Connect Four. You’re definitely keeping me in the shadows. You are humbling me all the more for a greater purpose. One I’ve only had a glimpse of seeing and gulps each time I’m thrusted forward. I’m finding the glory in my suffering. I am realizing that this life isn’t about me but all about YOU. I am slowing embracing contentment. I am finding new ways to be content with being weak and in awe by your strength.
And then He said to me,
My grace is enough;it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own
In your weakness
The humility I once rejected I welcome with open arms. I remember the day I was told it would be difficult to bear children (diagnosis of endometriosis). Surgery after surgery things were constantly removed that played vital roles in creating a desperately wanted blessing. I recall hating you for the pain. I recall being full of bitterness and resentment, when yet another friend or family member got news of their precious cargo on the way. Oh! how I wanted to curse your name. Until now. The contentment has settled in. The weakness has now metamorphosed into strength.
I now graciously thank you for protecting me when I wasn’t protecting myself. What I thought I wanted you allowed suffering be the key to my freedom. You knew what I could mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually bear. You were aware even in the midst of my wondering becoming a single mother wasn’t something I could convey. You knew I was created to deliver the children of the promise and nothing short of that. I never thought in a thousand years I would be thanking you for once being sick (my condition have gone from impossible to possible). The same sickness that I once believed blocked me from producing the children of the very man that hurt me to the core. Oh…….how I am ever so grateful to not be connected to him. Your shield was always there. Your love never faded. No matter what territory I placed my foot in, you went before me.
Like that woman I envy. I am now understanding that I too, has always been the apple of your eye. In my own effortless way I am walking on the road of purpose that you’ve designed specifically for me. Daily I watch my unwavering faith stand against the winds of adversity. For you are the God that I serve, who requires me to rejoice in good and the bad. How can one honor and serve you without a bit of suffering? Like gold is perfected in fire, so is my faith in you through adversity.
The apple of your eye