Leading up to May 1, 2016 I was overwhelmed with multiple relationships or what our generation now call them “situationships.” I was growing tired emotionally and spiritually. I knew the desires of my heart but had no idea how to purposefully walk in them. Indeed, marriage is a desire and want of mine. I literally had tired everything under the sun except for one thing, God.
I had just rekindled yet another failed situationship. Lord and behold when the news was broken that I was practicing celibacy before marriage. The boat not only rocked but flipped over. He had decided that celibacy wasn’t something he wanted to partake in and remaining friends would be the best solution. From that moment I noticed a series of unfortunate events that occurred from 8am-5pm Sunday May 1st. I had felt lead for some odd reason to download ‘The 30 Day Man Fast’. The book was brought to my attention over a year ago but I had no desire to join the overflow of women being set free from meaningless relationships.
Finally, God had my undivided attention and my soul was willing to listen and take heed to much needed instructions. 30 days I was consumed by his fire and made new. The book encouraged a group setting for accountability. I had searched high and low for those that wanted to embark on this liberating experience. I couldn’t find nobody. My spirit knew this was something I alone needed to experience. Off I went to purchase yet, another journal to begin this journey.
Towards the end of the fast the author Nikki Carpenter suggested that you journaled and titled it ‘Dear Me’. I ignored this task because I was faced to tell myself the truth. Prior to reading I had created a blog and have been overly vulnerable on it. I felt this task was way to sensitive and personal to share but the Lord spoke to my spirit saying, “share this it isn’t just for you but for the multitudes.”
Here we Go!!!
What would you tell your 15-year old self about love?
LaToya, love is certainly all about the heart where the actions will follow. If you jump ahead of this you will always, always find yourself in a lustful situation. Love is kind and patient. The love you desire is a replica of how much God loves you. Rushing these things will cause your 31-year old self to press through layers and layers of pain that only God can purge out. Keep yourself hidden till God reveals who and who not to share your heart with.
What would you tell your 15-year old self about men?
LaToya, you know nothing about men lol. Stop trying to figure them out. Focus on you. The men will always be there but the right man is going through the exact same process you are. The two heavy mantles over your life has set you up greatly. The prophetic pours out of you greatly. If you would just embrace what your father and mother invested in you. The discernment will be activated and the confusion would cease. The anger and rejection you are feeling can be cleansed if you would only submit them to your heavenly father. You have more than just potential dwelling in you. Everything you’re going through will all make sense in days to come. Awakening love before it needs to be is costing your 31-year old self greatly. But, we will be okay we are in the hands of the of the most high.
What would you tell your 15-year old self about self-worth?
LaToya, you are more precious than rubies and pearls. Although, at this very moment you haven’t recognized the Proverbs 31 woman that is in your midst. Everything mom is telling you about yourself is all true. You are the Lord’s battle ax and will influence and bring thousands to Christ. You are worth more than what you are currently dealing with. Giving yourself to selfish boys is weakening your soul and devaluing what God has placed in you. Stop! I’m suffering from those choices you are making all because you won’t submit. You are small in stature but you are mighty. Cultivate what you know and never go astray from what you were taught.
What would you tel your 15-year self about confidence?
LaToya, baby you were born with the confidence. You don’t have to show everything to prove it. Modesty is the best way to walk in confidence. Your body is His temple. The confidence you are searching from comes from within. You have the ability to quite a room when you enter all because of who you are in God; not what you think you are to man. Walk with your head held high because you are the princess of the most high. Those that lay eyes on you don’t see you they see the God in you. That’s the confidence you need to embrace.