I am currently choosing among the broken pieces of my heart to create wholeness once again. This year started off beyond what I could ever imagine. The right godly love had finally found me. As I allowed myself to fall deeply in love my once stone heart became flesh again. I began to believe in real love and that I actually deserved it.
A rare yet pure love emerged out of nowhere. Daily my insecurities were chiseled away by actions and not just words. He had quite the job in front of him. The damage from countless failed relationships turned out to be barricades he had to tear down. He surely became my knight and shining armor I often dreamed of as a little girl. Conversations were held, arrangements were beginning to be made, and the ring was the final stage.
My single girl antics were shedding. A new phase of my life was actually about to commence. What I had been praying for was appearing to be answered. My long anticipated wait had finally ended. The three-year celibacy vow could be rightfully broken. A covenant relationship was on the horizon.
Within a blink of an eye everything changed for the worse. Sabotage and broken promises unfortunately prevailed. The too good to be true relationship mimicked the familiar outcome of my past. Surely I have been here before. Once again I found myself consumed with heartbreak. The embarrassment sunk in and my reality roared, “THIS IS NOT YOUR FAIRYTALE ENDING!”
Acceptance was hard for me. I will shamefully admit I tried my best to salvage the relationship. I cried and pleaded with him to reconsider. I lost. So I thought. As I accepted my new truth, only one scripture comes to mind. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). Instead of pleading with my ex, God’s bosom became my pillow. He allowed me to saturate that cushion with my failed hopes and fears.
I pleaded with God to not let bitterness creep in. It took me years to rise from bitterness. Like a phoenix I was made new. Going back to the familiar was not an option this time. Instead of the innumerable “whys” an instant shift was activated. The victim became the victor. My plea developed into an “how” could this serve you? Ransom my heart Lord from the ones that bruised it. Let me tell you honey it hasn’t been easy but it has been worth it. God never ceases to amaze me. I insisted that He examined and show me the errors of my ways. Becoming a better LaToya is the main goal.
I want that Godfidence again. The boldness of knowing He is my Jehovah Raphe is more than assuring. I serve a God that is known for healing. If the heavens can declare Him faithful, so will I. Heartbreak still exists as I type. But I am not alone. He is walking with me daily through the pastures of restoration.
Sis, I want to inspire you to stay strong. Tough times never last. Seasons has to change it won’t always be this way. The comforter collects your tears, He listens to your prayers, and keeps record of each and every time you’re disappointed. He will do what He said sis. God never makes a promise and it returns to Him void. Whatever it is that has broken you. I pray that very soon your redeemer allows the exceedingly and abundantly, all that you could ever imagine happen swiftly. Let the redeem say so.
LaToya Déshawn 💋