My favorite song by Bri Babineauxis ‘Jacob’s Song’. The last two minutes of that song has been ringing in my ears for over a month. As I sit with the news of being ordained March 24, 2019. The day I take an oath, vowing to accept my calling and everything that comes with it. Knowing that my life will change both naturally and spiritually. There’s a saying, “Heavy is the head that wears the crown.” Well in my case, “Heavy are the shoulders that carry mantles.”
Lord, I won’t let go. Until you bless my soul. Until you change my name. For I’m no longer the same (Jacob’s Song):I was ordained as a prophetic dancer at the age of fourteen. Placed in both spiritual and dancing classes. I learned what each move represented and taught how to use my power of worship as a weapon. After, my parents divorce, I denounced dancing and anything pertaining to church. Let’s call my ten-year stretch of being mad at God, ‘LaToya’s Reign of Rebellion.’ I did everything under the sun to fit in with all that came against my values, morals and calling.
Finally, at the age of twenty-eight I completely surrendered to God. I couldn’t go any further doing my own thing. Nothing was working and I had grown weary. Decision after decision took me further and further away from what I knew was right. At that very moment my mind was made up. I wasn’t doing another day without acknowledging God by myself. I began this long lasting relationship slowly. No, seriously like I stuck my toe in and eased my way back into Christianity.
Sunday after Sunday I absorbed the atmosphere I once called home. After, awhile I was asked to dance again. My first dance was life changing and healed areas I couldn’t speak about. Before, I knew it dance attached to my walk like glue. Each dance brought me closer to God and broke the yokes off of those that received. Then I was pushed further. A proposal to teach Sunday school fell in my lap. Ironically, it was natural standing behind the podium. The more and more I taught, the more things formed inside of me. Oh! Let’s not forget the blog that was birthed from obscurity. My journals alone couldn’t hold everything in me. Plus, many were wrestling with the very things I remained silent about. As I lead other to freedom with every keystroke, chains began to fall off of me.
I need you to change me. Fill me with your power. Lord, no I won’t let go. Till you change me. And fill me with your power (Jacob’s Song): Last summer I submitted to the throne a plea to level up. Tears stained my journal while I struggled to write the depths of my soul and heart. The things written were all natural. Areas that only God could change within and around me, not knowing leveling up was to small of a prayer to God. Weeks passed and I was added to the leadership team at my church. Listen honey, a glow eluded from my inner like no other. I made it baby! It’s an honor to sit among leaders and glean from their wisdom and knowledge. I was so very humbled and accepted that promotion as an answer to my tears a time ago.
Meanwhile, my insecurities started to stir. The voices sang such a horrific lullaby nightly. My inadequacy overshadowed my confidence and all the so-called, “callings” went out the window. What in God’s name was I doing in this space? Each meeting I gathered myself mentally and emotionally. I whispered you belong here constantly, while everyone else looked normal. Any who! Yet, another promotion was under God’s sleeve. My mother, spiritual mother, and pastor announced she would be ordaining those God called in 2019. I didn’t even consider myself. The leadership team was high enough for me.
Boy, was I wrong! Before 2018 ended the news broke to me over a bowl of oatmeal. I literally choked because clearly my mother could not be talking about little ole me. She brought me up to speed with what God had been releasing to her for months. In the spring I would be ordained in two five fold offices. I wrote a blog entering into my 34thyear. With no idea that I was prophesying to myself, declaring that I would be recognized among my own kind and accepted into society. I simply looked up the definition of thirty-four and let God lead me. Funny how God works huh? While, getting over one thing, God was setting up another.
So here we go again. I cordially, invite you to join me as my name changes, an oath is taken, impartation is given and the exchange from enough to more than enough is rendered on March 24, 2019. There will be many tears as mantles are laid on my shoulders. Where my dependency for God will become more transparent than ever. I hope to see you there as I take yet another step towards my destiny or shall I say power moves.