Usually, when any type of relationship ends something negative is always said. Immediately, those words stick. You instantly forget about that confidence you so desperately fought to have. Now, you’re walking around with a made up label that an angry person cast upon your life. Instead of reversing it and sending it back to the sender, you carry it. NO! You hold on to it. Before you know it that burden is tearing you down slowly. Each time it crosses your mind it adds more power to the self made chains you just created.
Time has passed and you’re now bound by a person who threw those words and disappeared. Which is a double whammy because you are now scared mentally and emotionally. Now you’re surrendering to a false depiction of yourself through the eyes of someone who is already hurting. Mission accomplished their hurt has now transferred to you.
For years I have walked around with the negative words of many people ringing in my head. I would silently tell myself these are all lies. Then seconds later they become my reality because I just can’t seem to push the negative thoughts out. Then I panic and believe EVERYTHING is my fault. Not realizing that it takes two to tango and there is always a reaction to an action. Instead, I decided to walk away with every negative saying, “You a bitch, You stupid, You will never make it, That’s why no man wants you, Who could love you, You’re worthless and my all time favorite that’s why you can’t have babies”. The saying, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me……….IT’S A LIE! There was many nights I cried myself to sleep because I began to believe it and eventually accepted it. Instead if progressing and moving forward in life. I stayed stuck mentally and emotionally. Always on attack mode.
My twenties have been a dark place and for years I’ve walked around hurting people because I was hurting. Being formally known as the beautiful girl with the pyro mouth. As I rapidly approach my thirties I can happily say with much needed prayer, real friendship and a credit card those emotionally lashes are being healed. Maturity and time heals all ill things. I’m not completely over everything but I am further than I could ever imagine. Its easier to believe the bad but oh how delightful it is to walk in the positive.