Year 31, She Laughs

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I will be 32 in two weeks. Oh! how I have learned to exchange my worries for laughter. Within a year my humility stance hasn’t wavered. With arms stretched wide I have surrendered every feeling of doubt, disbelief, worry, insecurity, and fear. Each time I have been succumbed by these overtaking emotions. I’ve discovered stability and redemption, when I look to the hills which cometh my help. Feelings of  hopelessness, loneliness, and rejection; can make it hard to bypass all of that and find these hills of help. The statement,”She Laughs” became more than a goal but a lifestyle for me.

 I’ve been on the quest to become this epic Proverbs 31 woman. On my 31st birthday the journey kicked into full speed. The 31st chapter of Proverbs explains the characteristic traits of a devoted Christian woman. For the last few years these traits have been pushed to the forefront of my life like never before. My goal has been set high and I have accepted that. I must admit it was a little nerve wrecking to think I was capable of accomplishing all that she does. Since then, I have found so much strength in my own weaknesses within a year. Accepting what is, what will, and won’t be has grounded me in my thirties. 

She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.

This new found laughter took some time to accept and master. I’ve never been known as the one to stop and smell the roses. If I did I would find something wrong with the entire rose (that negative perspective is a life killer). There is so much beauty and strength within a woman that walks in her purpose, embraces,“God as her source and everything else a resource,” and fears nothing ahead because God is within her she will not fail. 

Year 31 was the first year in my life that I’ve truly laughed. Laughter filled with much needed  joy and peace. Although, I may have been in the midst of storms; laughter was something that was common throughout my daily habits. I began to find God and the good in everything. This made it exceptionally easy to battle the mental warfare I commonly wrestle with.

The worrying about my “future” still rears its ugly head up from time to time (I’m only human), but its very far and between. Year 31 taught me to lean more on Him like never before. Honestly, I have received more instructions about my future than any other time in my life. All because I took the leap of faith to surrender and completely allow Him to guide me. I found numerous of ways to discipline myself to not just hear His voice but to silence the others.

My goal was to take God as serious as possible because I needed that in return from Him. Year 31 was a quest full of seeking, searching, and creating. I was determined to find the change so I could become the change. In hindsight I just didn’t change but my surroundings, everything and everyone connected to me did as well.

The start of year 31 was bumpy and depressing. I was jobless, brokenhearted, and afraid. With a bruised spirit and all. I fought hard to keep my spirits up. I didn’t want to spiral down and find myself at the bottom of a Jack Daniels bottle (my favorite spirit lol). Suddenly, those hills began to speak back and turn my circumstances around. Inhaling…….and …..exhale wasn’t to bad anymore. The pain started to lessen. Although, some areas healed there were a few spots that left a sting.

Year 31 has taught me so much about myself. I am stronger than I ever thought. I am actually pretty dope according to the people that are assigned to keeping me afloat.

My 31st year I grounded myself in the Lord. When I made that choice I was hit with obstacles to test it out. Some I passed with flying colors and others…….well…..let’s just say I will have to circle that mountain again. The pressure of one year didn’t break me. More good occurred because I searched and created it. I accepted the bad (the things purely out of my hands). I prayed and fasted because I wanted God’s undivided attention. My greatest desire was to be intimate, one with God.

The task at hand seemed so hard but now it’s my every day routine.

  • I purchased a dry eraser board. I placed my daily, weekly, monthly, and/or yearly goals on it. I needed to see them daily. Along with a scripture or spiritual quote to build up my spirit man.
  • Devotions……devotions……did I mention devotions. I wanted to be happy and what else makes your soul happier than getting closer to your creator? I disciplined myself nightly. The same time every night I created my atmosphere and dived into the word. (I’m not huge on just reading the Bible at hand. Devotions help me with personal situations and scriptures to encourage and empower me along the way).
  • I relinquished the need to benefit from my gifts but to give them back to His kingdom. My joy increased when my need to benefit from anything decreased. I am an ordained dancer and its a passion of mine. I dedicate each dance to my heavenly father. I love to write (clearly duh) I created a blog where He only gets the Glory. (remember this life isn’t all about you).
  • I allowed God to place and remove anything and anyone that wasn’t sent from Him. No matter how attached I was to it. I released it.
  • I manage to read two books a month. Not just any books but books with spiritual meaning, principles, and/or teachings that would develop keen reactions to this ratchet world’s actions. I challenged myself to be not just book smart but wise as well. The good book says, “Delight yourself in Him” well that’s exactly what I did.

 

I am not perfect. I am sure I will fail and stumble over and over again. I aspire to be a  Proverbs 31 woman, the same type of woman after God’s own heart. Like David (he’s one of my favorites if you’ve noticed from other posts lol) he knew how to get God’s attention and repent wholeheartedly. The perfect example of a man after God’s own heart (the one God’s preparing to send my way *wink*).

I recall asking for wisdom and patience. I begun reading on how to develop these rare but required attributes. God has quite the sense of humor.Well…..let’s say my patience was tested and I had to use some wisdom to get myself out of a few pickles.

After, a much needed fast. I gained much clarity. I created reachable goals and demolished them. Slowly, He was teaching me that I am not alone and that He has me. Each time I marked off a goal I was reminded that I am following His Will, yet remaining in His wheel. I am ecstatic about year 32 goals.  Although, the scripture that lies in Jeremiah 29:11 is engraved in my heart so its forever lingering in my soul,

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I hold on to everything but HIM loosely. Year 32 will be a year of fruition. Promises that I have been standing on will begin to come to pass. Every season will be my harvest season. 

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1 Comment

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